Autism One 2019 - RFK Jr. Quote Video

I have never attended the yearly Autism One conference....I've always been too stressed out with Olivia's health. I wish I could have attended this year. 

Thankfully, I was able to watch several of the presentations via YouTube. Robert F. Kennedy's presentation was amazing.....especially the quote I created this video with.❤️

xo

Kelly

Thankful for a stronger girl at the end of the school year

Happy Summer Everyone!!

Olivia and I are looking forward to a busy summer of rehabbing! This verse has been on my mind lately for so many reasons.

Driving home from an appointment yesterday, I had to take this video of Olivia:

As I looked over to her, I realized how far she has come this school year.

She is sitting up.....on her own. She looks relaxed and interested in the cool wind blowing her beautiful blonde ponytail around. She appears more in control, a tiny bit closer to the life that should have been hers....one of independence...one of new experiences and intellectual growth.

Milestone days are always the hardest days, and sometimes I sink back into "what should've been" land.

Just being honest.

I had an interesting talk with a friend who has had tough times and gets stuck in "what should've been" land. Although I do visit (more frequently lately), I never want to stay and establish roots there....visiting is hard enough.

Often times, I'm there with my friend and we discuss my hope in Olivia's healing and the fact that it's my faith that leads me away from that darkened place. Without fail, I'm always challenged with the questions raised by my friend's breaking heart. Questions like:

"If God was going to heal her, why hasn't he done it yet?" Invariably, I defend. I argue. My main point always being that I have free will, and because she is my child, I have always made her life's decisions for her and some of those decisions caused her harm, even though my decisions were predicated by a set of guidelines I was told I must follow. I continued....How can God heal her if I'm always giving in to the doctors, to the medicine, to the things that always seem to damage her health? In the past, I've been forced to make decisions based on fear that is fed to me by the experts, and she always ends up worse....not better.

I'm sure you've heard me talk about this before. It's maddening.

But, then, my friend threw me a loophole by further challenging....."Yeah, I can see that, but why does it even matter? You always talk of God's power & might, so even if you are making all sorts of 'free will bad decisions', He could still do it.............if He wanted to."

How can you argue that point? It's true. He could do it under any circumstances, and sometimes He chooses not to heal.

So there I sat. Confronted with a reality that many, many people experience. I could feel the roots taking hold.

Just then I remembered a scripture from a bible study I did a while back --

"Do not give dogs what is sacred; do not throw your pearls to pigs. If you do, they may trample them under their feet, and then turn and tear you to pieces".  Matthew 7:6

God has built me up. He has grown my faith and planted my feet on His sturdy foundation. This doubt is too destructive for me to entertain...even in the slightest way.  I've learned to persist, and to pursue God. Others may try and give up. That doesn't have to be my story.

Our story is the next two verses:

"Ask and it will be given to you, seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives; he who seeks finds; and to him who knocks, the door will be opened." Matthew 7:7-8

I am always learning, always reaching, always trying to find what I can do to help my girl. That is not stopping. I figure, God can always do something with what I learn, what Olivia learns and any progress for my precious girl is worth trying to move mountains.

Here's to an amazing summer of continued seeking, knocking and leaning into His Word,  and His plan for Olivia's life. I continue to remind myself that He is the Author, not only of my faith, but of her precious life! He will bring down the story He has written for her from Heaven. In His Perfect Timing!! Just you wait!!

xo

Kelly

Hey there!

It’s been a while, I know. My time and energy have been monopolized not only with Olivia’s Rehabbing, but with my in-law's estate. I’m finally seeing a light at the end of the tunnel. For those who have lost their parents, one shortly after the other, you probably can relate.....
The estate sale is done and it’s time for me to get back to the thing I love most.....writing♥️


Xo...

Kelly

Finally....the doors are opening. 🙌🏻

I'm wondering if anyone can relate?

Are there others like me?  Others, who just followed the rules and got burned? Others, who have sat on the sidelines and watched as other vaccine injured children have reclaimed their lives with drugs, therapy or supplement intervention?

I have spent years and years trying to fix it...you know, that mistake I made out of ignorance. Years and years of attempting an array of things to help her....only to have door after door slammed in my face.

And now, suddenly, a couple new doors are opening.

I absolutely love this scripture. To add some context, it comes from John's letter to the Church of Philadelphia, one of the seven churches in the province of Asia that he writes to about a vision he received from Christ.

Incredible words from an incredible time. Words that I can take hold of for myself, for Olivia. Words that are living for me and my situation today.

He knows my works. An open door that NO ONE is able to shut. He KNOWS I have but little power in my situation. He KNOWS I have kept my word and have not denied HIS name.

How much more can I ask?

Right now, with Olivia, it's subtle things. Subtle differences that have taken root over the last several months. To the average person there's no hint of anything big taking place. All in all, she still appears the same. She still has seizures (although not as many and not as hard), she is still a bit weak and not able to walk on her own (but can walk up the stairs to take a bath on most days). We are almost back to her baseline before the last hospitalization. Whew! That was a lot of work - but so worth it!

I don't know.....its just a feeling, like a change in the atmosphere of our situation. Hard to quantify but that feeling of daily dread has lifted. We are on a new road now and although the appearance of what's to come is "a cloud as small as a man's fist" (I Kings 18:44), I know the rain of blessings is coming. I can feel it.

I apologize for the lack of updates. Olivia's care has been more demanding and I am in the process of cleaning out my in-laws house. Unfortunately, they both passed away within months of each other . It's a difficult thing to sort through the remnants of two lives.....seeing the material things we collect along the way as just that..... material things that stay back and linger in the basement.

Even with all the hardships with Olivia over that last almost two decades, I feel I can still stand strong and recognize the goodness of God in my life. Yes, He allowed this devastation, but "allowed" is the main point. I CHOSE to trust and believe in a manmade system of health care. I was blind and ignorant to the choice I made - I did zero research on the dangers of vaccines and the damage that can and does inflict SO many children. Haunting U.S. statistics:

1 in 20 children under the age of 5 have or have had seizures
1 in 38 children are now Autistic
1 in 10 children have ADHD
1 in 6 children have learning disabilities

*CDC statistics

The takeaway for us is that He sustained her instead of taking her. He protected her body and brain from all the pharmaceutical medications --- especially from all the potent medications she was given in the hospital in early 2018. Remember....they said she would never be able to hold her head up again. Their "New Normal" prognosis can't stand up to the power of God's provision.

I was reminded of this gorgeous song last week. Bethel Music!❤️❤️❤️❤️

Lyric nuggets from this song that speak to me:

For Your mercy never failed me
All my days, I've been held in Your hands

I love Your voice
You have led me through the fire
And in darkest night You are close like no other

'Cause Your goodness is running after, it's running after me
Your goodness is running after, it's running after me

Olivia the "snow bird" getting off the bus. The amount of snow we've had is crazy!! I choose to believe that for Olivia and I this is the beginning of our SHOWER of BLESSINGS!!! It's just in frozen form right now!

xo

kelly

Even the Weak Can Fight to Overcome✨

Whew. What a year.

We've been so busy rehabbing and rebuilding, that I literally missed the 1-year anniversary of Olivia's last admittance to the hospital.....exactly 1 year ago this week.

Remembering it....takes me back.  Takes me back to one of the worst hospitalizations of Olivia's life. One filled with ignorance, the use of intimidation and fear with her diagnosis, treatment and eventually her prognosis.

If you are new to Restoring Olivia, I'd invite you to read some of the past blog posts from that period:


Where do you looketh?
Back Here Again
Can Wisdom Be Elusive for the Wise?
Valentine Fever? When loving the broken is this year's plan💔
Faithfully Waiting for that "Suddenly" Moment. Can We Bounce Back?
Repentance - For the Race Set Before Us
The Perfect Storm
Assumptions Can Be Deceiving


Olivia is moving past this. All of this. Just another insult to her destroyed vitality. Rebuilding that vitality is of much more importance. I'm so thankful I've moved past it too.

Seriously.

I have.

I no longer want to be captive by those memories and the pain that lies within them. Of course, the enemy of my soul loves to take me back there, but God wants us to leave. To resolve. To look to Him instead of back at the unfairness of it all.

But, does that mean I shouldn't talk about our journey? Talk about what happened to her? Why would I bury our experience? For no-one else to see and learn from.

I ran into a woman at the grocery store who is a "prayer" person from a local ministry. She asked how Olivia was doing, and several questions later I was telling her of our hospital experience. Within an instant, she was asking (telling?) me that I HAVE TO forgive the doctors and that THEY WERE ONLY DOING WHAT THEY KNEW HOW. That they WERE THERE TO HELP. She had no interest in listening to the "WHY's" of Olivia's near-miss demise. She had some defending to preach.

Very unsettling. I no longer fall for this shaming tactic. A lecture from an individual who supposedly hears from God.

I get it. I am to forgive, which I told her I had done. But, she wanted my silence. She, herself, judged. Why I wondered?

People are so afraid of the truth.....even christian prayer warriors. They don't want to hear about the damage that was done to my perfect, beautiful girl by the conventional medical community.....they only want to sing their praise.

I no longer lift up and rely on supposed "religious" people in my community. They have never embraced our story and I only walk away feeling wounded. I always felt as though they were stronger, smarter and closer to God than I.

What a lie I believed.

I wonder if that is how many of the parents in my situation are treated. Love, grace & mercy to everyone --- except that mother who CLAIMS her child's life was destroyed by vaccines. No, not her, not ever.

This past year I've changed course. No longer am I the desperate mother waiting to talk with some religious folk...instead I am the desperate mother waiting for a conversation with God Himself.

I go directly to His Word. I focus on scripture like these:

He gives power to the weak, and to those who have no might He increases strength. Isaiah 40:29 😘

God has rescued us from the power of darkness and has brought us into the kingdom of his Son, whom he loves. Colossians 1:13

Jesus told his disciples "The knowledge of the secrets of the kingdom of heaven has been given to you, but not to the masses. Matthew 13:11-12

The more we study and learn the more God will reveal Luke 12:7 (NIV)

Indeed, the very hairs of your head are all numbered. Don’t be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows. Luke 12:7

What I've learned is that I can move past this horrible experience without shutting it away in a cold, dark place in my heart. With God's help, I am able to forgive their inexperience and awful decision making.

This new strategy is working wonders. Do you remember the "new normal" they said would come of Olivia's life? The prognosis we left the hospital with?

Inability to eat real food - to eat and swallow
Inability to hold her head up
Inability to sit again
Inability to walk again

We are well past all these except the walking thing - check out the video from last week's physical therapy:

Remember the verse I was leaning on during those initial months home from the hospital?

I will lead the blind by ways they have not known, along unfamiliar paths I will guide them;
I will turn the darkness into light before them and make the rough places smooth.
These are the things I will do;  I will not forsake them.      Isaiah 42:16

He turns darkness into light.....not the other way around. I do not have to be ashamed.

I do not have to hide our difficult journey in the dark. His light has, and will continue to light the way. Darkness and shaming are not of Him.

Darkness comes. In the middle of it, the future looks blank. The temptation to quit is huge. Don't. You are in good company... You will argue with yourself that there is no way forward. But with God, nothing is impossible. He has more ropes and ladders and tunnels out of pits than you can conceive. Wait. Pray without ceasing. Hope. 

John Piper

xo

Happy New Year!!

Quite the year we had in 2018.

I could go there again. You know....the place where I point out the unfairness of the last 11 months (wait the last 19  years)....but I will not.

You know why? This is the first time, since this madness all started, where I finally feel at peace.

Peace about Olivia's future.

I feel armed with REAL knowledge about her injury and a new path that has already yielded a miraculous recovery from where we started in April.

This verse from Isaiah continues to shine light in the darkness that almost took my girl:

I will lead the blind by ways they have not known,
    along unfamiliar paths I will guide them;
I will turn the darkness into light before them
    and make the rough places smooth.
These are the things I will do;
    I will not forsake them. Isaiah 42:16

I'd like to focus on the things she has overcome this year:

• She has regained complete head control.
• She has regained the ability to eat, including chewing and swallowing.
• She has regained the ability to get herself to a sitting position from laying down.
• She has regained the ability to walk, while being supported
• She has started attempting to raise herself up and balance on her knees.
• She has regained the ability to walk up our two story stairwell for a bath (with help of course).

All of these gains, with none of the pharmaceuticals I was told she needed when we left the hospital. 

We are gaining ground, not losing.

I was thinking......this time I'd like to document some New Year Resolution Goals for Olivia's progress:

• Independent walking.
• Independent eating.
• Self care skills.
• Healthier year.
• Relocating her bed back upstairs to her bedroom (with her setback, her bed is in our office).
• Testing of communication devices.
• ABA type therapy.
• Getting her out in the community more.

These goals may appear as no-brainers for the average person, but for Olivia they are monumental.

I have my own resolutions...

• To have more courage with sharing her story.  BE BRAVE
• To trust, that for some crazy reason I was chosen for this .   BE CONFIDENT
• To engrave on my heart what I have gained from my relationship with Jesus.  BE LOVED

A couple nuggets of truth I've learned through this hardship:

• All things work together for good (Romans 8:28)
• God has started and is perfecting a good work in me ( Philippians 1:6 )
• I can find grace and mercy in my time of need ( Hebrews 4:16 )
• He has given me a spirit of power, love and a sound mind ( 2 Timothy 1:7 )
• I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me ( Philippians 4:13 )
• I have been chosen and appointed by God to bear fruit ( John 15:16 )
• I have been redeemed and forgiven of all my sins ( Colossians 1:14 )
• I have been established, anointed and sealed by God ( 2 Corinthians 1:21-22)
• Olivia and I are protected by His Love & Faithfulness ( Psalms 40:11 )
• He arms me with strength, makes me surefooted as a deer. Prepares me for battle, with His shield. His right hand supports me and provides a path for my feet  to keep from slipping.         ( Psalms 18:32-36 )

I could seriously go on and on. Truth soothes those nerves of dread each and every time.

As we enter 2019 with high hopes and expectations of new possibilities for Olivia's life, I need to remember that even though I can be such a wienie when it comes to her suffering, I apparently am the one He chose for this particular journey. When I'm at the height of my "wienieness", I love to crank the volume high on Lauren Daigle's new song --- "You Say"

Here's a sampling of the lyrics:

I keep fighting voices in my mind that say I’m not enough,

Every single lie that tells me I will never measure up

Am I more than just the sum of every high and every low?

Remind me once again just who I am, because I need to know

You say I am loved when I can’t feel a thing

You say I am strong when I think I am weak

You say I am held when I am falling short

When I don’t belong, oh You say that I am Yours

And I believe, oh I believe

What You say of me

I believe

The only thing that matters now is everything You think of me

In You I find my worth, in You I find my identity,

Taking all I have and now I'm laying it at Your feet

You have every failure God, and You'll have every victory,

You say I am loved when I can’t feel a thing

You say I am strong when I think I am weak

You say I am held when I am falling short

When I don’t belong, oh You say that I am Yours

And I believe, oh I believe 

What You say of me

I believe

Oh I believe, yes I believe

What You say of me

Oh I believe

Take a listen:

Happy New Year Dear Friends ----- I'm looking forward to more Overcoming in 2019!!

Merry Christmas

Merry Christmas from Olivia & I!!🎄

A couple notes about the attached video....Puppy kisses are fun for everyone, but more importantly look how stable she has become since the last time I’ve updated you!

It’s hard to believe that at this time last year we were celebrating (🤔) Christmas in the hospital and the following months in-patient robbed the little bit of independence she had before being admitted. (Sigh)

But today is different.....we are in restoration mode, even if it is slow. I’m incredibly thankful for the amazing strides she has made in the last 8 months. Remember.....the prognosis was that her new normal was devastating - no head control, inability to sit independently and walking again would be impossible.

Thank God the experts were wrong.

I love that The True Expert focuses on other things.....healing, restoration, resurrection and rebirth. Making all things new. Believing and receiving.

Thank you for your prayers for my warrior. They mean so much♥️